Writing & Passion.

Finding the right words… Thinking of fitting ideas… It’s really hard to write something that would satisfy a writer. A writer would always want to scratch everything that he or she have written and make a whole different concept. Endless proof reading and revisions… But in the end, he or she would always go with the one which makes him or her feel good, no matter how badly written the work is.

I’m writing this entry at nearly 1am, September 9, 2012. I’m quite sleepy right now but I want to make an entry for this night. I have lots of stuff going on in my mind right now and they’re in a hurry to come out and be put into words. First stop, I’d like to share something about finding what you’re truly for. This finding your true passion and living it is quite cliché but I’d like to say that it is not an easy thing as you see in movies. Your life would not fit a 1-hour and 40-minute movie and it is not as beautiful as the portrayal in those near reality fictions. Sometimes life can be a bit blurry – imagine a blurry scene and all you can make out of it is the sound, which can be just sad piano music. Well, this blurry part of life is where I am right now. When you think you’ve already achieved something that’s admirable, you end up thinking whether it really is, whether it is something worthwhile. At 19 years old, almost living for 2 decades in the world and given 13 years of everyday social experience at school, how come do I feel like I haven’t done anything meaningful? But then maybe it’s because I’m JUST 19. This is not some first world problem and those shit others say. People live for many different reasons – and I haven’t found anything I feel that is worth it. Other people or perhaps most people say that in finding passion, one should make use of one’s talent or gift. Perhaps you’re a really good singer, maybe you can sing songs with messages that can reach every people in this damn world to make them realize those things that should be of importance. I’ll not make myself look pitiful here but I really haven’t found anything I’m good at that could make a difference in this world. I’m still enjoying in trying out things that could be my passion and make use of that to possibly leave a legacy.

Even though I’m still writing and re-writing my life by learning from experiences, I believe that I will find that something that would make me feel good all the time. That something that I would never regret doing and that something that I would be willing to spend my life with to make my life worth living.