That tiny secret drawer.

At night, I make sure that I am always occupied. I keep myself busy, watching Korean dramas, movies,  talking to my friends through Twitter, or even just going on Tumblr. Why is that? It's because I'm afraid that when I give myself some time, my mind would dig up that tiny secret drawer that it has on the corner, which contains the reality of having to think of what's ahead of me. It's just that when I open that drawer, all I see is either a blinding light or complete darkness. It makes me feel uncomfortable and eventually that thing inside that drawer would occupy my entire mind and wouldn't make it rest for one bit. The sad part is that I don't even know what those blinding light or darkness are. It's something that is a part of me that the present me wouldn't know unless I try to find out. That's the hard part though- the trying to find out thing. I'm not entirely sure which step to take that's why it always ends up occupying my mind for hours and it's not good. Once I try and make a decision, it always ends up being rejected or being questioned again each time that drawer is opened. Sometimes I'm the one who opens it, sometimes other people. It's much better if I open it though, because when other people gets involved, I will undoubtedly question that light, which always seems within reach when I'm the one controlling it. With other people, I just feel helpless and mad.

I wonder why no matter how little that drawer may seem, it still makes everything appear irrelevant. Making myself busy from practically playing with my computer and getting the most out of it, will undeniably not help me from uncovering the mystery that is the little drawer but provide me with inspiration to go face the thing that I'm afraid of, which holds the path to knowing what's really ahead of me..